Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
