Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
