My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
