Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
