can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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