Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
