I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Randomize
