I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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