We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
