Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
