So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my sisters under your porch take her home
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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