Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Randomize
