Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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