i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
