I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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