Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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