Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
