that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize
