Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
