In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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