Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(770): View more from Georgia

If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.

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(770): If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day. http://tfl.nu/zol0

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(907): View more from Alaska

she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.

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(907): she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit. http://tfl.nu/38x3

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(703): View more from Virginia

he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2

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(703): he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2 http://tfl.nu/k675

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(716): View more from New York

once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party

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(716): once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party http://tfl.nu/h6v5

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(818): View more from California

we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes

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(818): we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes http://tfl.nu/3vzd

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.

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(630): I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME. http://tfl.nu/dxkz

Replies (20) Good night (1005) Bad night (3801)
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(732): View more from New Jersey

Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve

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(732): Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve http://tfl.nu/de13

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(432): View more from Texas

Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.

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(432): Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know. http://tfl.nu/dusl

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(281): View more from Texas

WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!

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(281): WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?! http://tfl.nu/4ghk

Replies (20) Good night (2810) Bad night (4619) Order T-Shirt
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(203): View more from Connecticut

You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.

(508): View more from Massachusetts

Did it finish?

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(203): You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified. (508): Did it finish? http://tfl.nu/ahm8

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(214): View more from Texas

Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.

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(214): Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming. http://tfl.nu/yp4i

Replies (21) Good night (1371) Bad night (1266)
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(719): View more from Colorado

As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.

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(719): As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF. http://tfl.nu/ti4u

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(214): View more from Texas

You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.

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(214): You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate. http://tfl.nu/ezsl

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(503): View more from Oregon

Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.

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(503): Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck. http://tfl.nu/hc6u

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.

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(201): I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever. http://tfl.nu/v0jl

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