Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
