i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
