i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
