Christians are straight up FREAKS
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
