I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
