im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You ruined the universe
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
