I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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