Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
