Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
