You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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