you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize