I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
