awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
