Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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