Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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