Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
