Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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