i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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