A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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