I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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