lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
