Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
