i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
