you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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