Do you still have your period?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
