I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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