i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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