I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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