i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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