Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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