so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
