i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
