Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
