how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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