whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
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