on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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