I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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