Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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