Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
