Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE