Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?