You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
