woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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