Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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