Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That accounts for only three of the penises
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
