Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
