im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
