Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
