Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
