I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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