I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
