is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I would ride that face into the sunset
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Oh god it's open bar.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize