I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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