She said her name was "party"
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
