she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
