At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
