My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
