can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
