Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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