do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
