sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
