can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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