If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
