Sry I called you an 8
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
