who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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